Week 7 Story: The Undying Battle
Author's Notes
This story focuses on the events that happened during the conflict of the Pandavas and the Kauravas. The main battles can be seen in this story1. I found that the fighting in this war was primarily focused around where the generals were fighting, and less so about the actual infantry on the ground. One particular sentence inspired me to write this story, "Terrible were the omens, for headless men rose up and fought against one another". The concept of the dead fighting each other while a horrific war was happening was something that I wanted to elaborate on further.The Undying Battle
An ancient prophecy of old once spoke of the days to come, of a great horror and darkness that would befall upon the world. The prophecy read:A day will come when the bonds of blood will break.
Mothers' sons locked in celestial conflict.
Endless darkness will fall upon the sky,
and a disease will inflict those already gone...
I awake again to the sounds of the war horns. I have been through this before many times before, but honestly, I am getting sick of it. Gathering my sense about me I try to sit up to join the fight, my stomach is aching and writing from the lack of rations. It seems that our great general did not plan for this many of us to survive the war; it feels like it has been months since I ate.
Like clockwork, those sleeping next to me woke up and put on their armor, and we marched forward towards the enemies’ front line. As we marched, our general Belford galloped past us on his horse. Legend has it that his horse was a gift from the divine lord, as no earthly horse was able to hold the weight of his stature. About five minutes later, we approach the front line of the war. Over the heads of those in front of me, I see soldiers flying through the air. It must be Belford at it again.
I had the pleasure of witnessing him fight once before. He has no need for armor or weapons, so to make the fighting interesting to him he resolves to only unarmed combat. Given the carnage he creates without a weapon, I would hate to see him armed.
Slowly the distance to the front line shortens and I am standing at the doors of death. I look around and notice General Belford lying on the ground. His horse lays dead next to him as he sat in turmoil mourning the loss of a friend. Meanwhile the war horn sounds three times; our defensive line had been breached. The enemies burst through seizing the opportunity to kill our general in his defenseless state. I knew that if we wanted to win this war he needed to survive. Swarms of the filthy barbarians rushed towards him as I stood my ground to defend him at all costs. I fought for hours on end, death surrounding me everywhere I looked.
Eventually they stopped their assault, and we began the process of performing triage on our men. As I approach the first body, a sword comes out from underneath it, plunging through my abdomen and out my back. What a shame to die after the fight had been won...
I awake again to the sounds of the war horns. I have been through this before many times before, but the time away from home is killing me. Gathering my sense about me, I try to sit up to join the fight. I feel a tingling sensation on my stomach. I reach down to scratch it only to feel a warm sticky mess. Panicking I sit up to see maggots coming out gut...What the in god's name is going on?...
Bibliography
The Battle BeginsMoon Image
Dark Clock
What an interesting story, Logan! I especially liked your Author's Note and how you placed it before the Story and not after like I do myself and others in this class. Having the Author's Note prior to the Story gave a great preview to what your story was going to be about. I enjoyed the details of the story, even though they were gruesome, they provided the framework of your story. The ending of the story was unique and it tied the Story back to the Author's Note.
ReplyDeleteHello again Logan! I like how you decided to look at this story from the perspective of a soldier. Quick note: In the second full paragraph, you have the word writing. I believe you meant writhing correct? I had to reread that sentence wondering what he was writing ha! While I like how you kept it vague for mystery, I would avoid omitting details that may make the story more clear and therefore enjoyable. For instance, if anyone was reading this, they would want to have a quick aside about who was fighting, without having to use the original source/author's note to follow.
ReplyDeleteHey Logan, me again. I REALLY liked this story. I love the idea of having these epic scenes of mythic battle being told by the grunts in the trenches. Also, the way you set up the story and the pacing was really excellent. I liked the way you put the Author's Note at the beginning, rather than at the end, for this story. While some stories benefit from having it at the end, this one definitely benefits from having it at the beginning. It clues the reader in to the context of the story just enough to get the ball rolling, allowing you to focus on the story rather than a lengthy set up.
ReplyDeleteHey, Logan!
ReplyDeleteThe set up of this story is great! The mini intro and then pictures and main story all tie in together so perfectly. You did a great job of retelling this story in a new and creative way. It is also so different that it ends in a cliffhanger! I think you did an awesome job with this story and I cannot wait to read more.
Hey there, Logan!
ReplyDeleteI saw that you started with the author's note. I think that is actually really cool. It gives the reader a summary of what your story will be centered around. I thought your story was actually really good. You used a lot of descriptive detail throughout the story. This is something that I really appreciate as a reader. It makes it easier to get involved with what is taking place.
I really liked your story. I liked how you told the story from a regular soldier who is in the presence of the greats. I think this really showed just how powerful Belford was. I also liked how he dies at the end. I though the futility of his life and death perfectly captured him as a regular unknown soldier. I also liked how your authors note was at the beginning.
ReplyDelete